Zeke: Why does thanksgiving/gratefulness matter to you?

Barrett: Great question. Thanksgiving as an act, as an embodiment, clears the clouds that cover my joy, my light. I borrow that analogy from a psychiatrist I saw on a recent Jonah Hill documentary. When I acknowledge the good in my life, something truly blissful takes over my being, and I feel it deeply. In practice, it gives experiential access to my heart, to the divine inside me. For a long time, gratefulness was my refuge and retreat from my normal mode of existence. It was a precious escape. My hope, and my work, has been to make it more than an escape, but an element of my inner life that I touch as often as I can. I wanna live there, while taking life head on. Same question back to you, why does it matter to be thankful/grateful?

Zeke: I am a deeply restless and dissatisfied person, so for me gratitude is a way of combating that. Gratitude takes presence and awareness of what’s around me instead of spending my mental energy on where I’d like to be. It’s kind of like in Psalm 42 when the psalmist goes from wanting vindication to praising God regardless. Gratitude/thankfulness shifts my focus from what I want to the goodness already present in my life. It’s why I start all of my prayers with gratitude, because I want to actively recognize the goodness that God has already put in my life. Which brings me to my next question.

 The order of holidays is funny to me. We practice giving thanks for the things we have in November, and then spend more money than the rest of the year combined in December on things that we don’t. What does it look like for you to practice gratitude during a season focused on “wants”?

Barrett: I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. While it is a lot of fun to gift give and show affection for family through material things (especially the children), I feel like it loses the plot. I definitely understand what you are saying and that’s a funny observation concerning the holiday schedule, but to the question of my practice of gratitude – the challenge is being grateful for what’s already inside myself, and letting the gifts and family be unique expressions of joy and sharing. In order to see things in their rightful order, I stay grounded in my prayer and meditation, I check in with how I’m feeling, as well as how my wife is feeling when we find ourselves getting overwhelmed, and I try to give myself a break when I can’t course correct. As you navigate the holiday season, how do you stay well?

Zeke: My wife and I both dearly love our families, which means it’s easy for us to get wrapped up in the expectations of our families of origin. Expectations, at least for me, are the hardest “want” to navigate during the holidays and is the biggest hurdle to my individual wellness. My wife and I head into the holidays with our respective families by articulating our expectations for the collective time together, as well as our expectations for each other. Sexy, I know, but we’ve found that shining a light on our own expectations allows us to be more grateful during those moments of imperfection instead of getting caught up in cycles of anxiety and depression. It also creates a touchpoint for us to reconnect and reflect together at the end of the day.

Whenever I used to practice directly with patients, I had a lot of them keep gratitude journals, where every day they wrote down 5 things that they were grateful for that day and they couldn’t repeat items in the same week. It was a great way to recenter and refocus on a posture that wasn’t anxious or depressed. So, heading into a holiday season that is typically full of anxiety and depression, what are 5 things you’re grateful for B?

Barrett: One, I’m grateful for Life, the whole of it – I feel lucky to be here. Two, the people who know and love and understand me entirely, starting with my spouse. Three, I’m thankful for change – it gives me an opportunity to grow and mature, to be more alive. Four, my children, who keep me grounded and childish. And five, humor – because laughter is my medicine of choice, paired with a good cabernet sauvignon. 

Zeke: I had you pegged as more of a merlot guy. Either way, we’ve come a long way from our college days when we’d mix red wine with blue Gatorade.

Barrett: We probably shouldn’t bring up those days, especially to avoid the memory of you having Four-Loko for the first time, but if you could equate your gratitude journal to one thanksgiving dish (main course, side, or beverage), what would it be, and why?

Zeke: I’m a simple man. If you ask me to compare anything to a Thanksgiving dish, I’m always gonna find a way to equate it to green bean casserole. Here’s why: green bean casserole is so easy to make, it tastes great, it’s easy to play around with and tweak, and it’s a comfort food to me. In the same way, a gratitude journal is deceptively easy to keep, it’s enjoyable, it can bring out my creativity, and it brings a grounding comfort.